Bridezillas. Another species that could go extinct and I wouldn't care.

For those of you who aren't clear as to what it is that I do, here you are; I am a world-class aesthetician & makeup artist. There are many perks to my job, but once in a great while I will meet a client who just cannot be satisfied.

This was the case today.

I already had woken up on the wrong side of the bed because whoever makes my work schedule cannot perform the simple task of copying/pasting the same set of hours into every Saturday this summer. Suffice to say that instead of arriving at 11am to work I show up at 8am. After wasting half the day on one hour long appointment, I am waiting impatiently for my 3 o' clock bridal makeup application.

Two-thirty rolls around and I decide to take a peek at the bride who is currently getting her hair done by a pissed-off-but-supremely-talented stylist. [Allow me to digress but a moment- this bride was ordered not to wash her hair before the big day, as to keep it dirty so it would be styled better. (For those of you who are unaware, dirty/product filled hair styles best). What does she have the cojones to do?! Arrive at the salon with wet, freshly washed hair].

I approach her and very amicably ask her if she'd like me to start her makeup, as to save her time. Well, she looked at me like I just asked her to masturbate in front of the whole salon, and replies, "Uhh... absolutely not!" Now, all of the other stylist & clients eyes are on me and I never miss an opportunity to smile right in someone's face who's been snotty to me, so I say, "You just let me know if I can help expedite the process, ok? *Insert crocodile smile here, walking away w/ dignity entact*"

Ms. Bride then informs me that she'll be doing the majority of her own makeup with her own makeup. Now, the obvious question here? Why am I here if she never needed makeup in the first place!? Promptly after her hair appointment she leaves without a single apology for wasting my time (I could have left hours ago).

(Fast forward to 40 mins past bride's 3pm makeup appt, with a recent encounter with my boss who thinks I was mean to her for saying I absolutely know how to do my job, after she suggested that I didn't know what the bride wanted. Which I did, but I won't go there...)

I am waiting around (some more), putting the makeup I had laid out for the job away, when she comes back up to the salon and asks me to apply her eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick, while the whole time gushing how she never wears makeup (as I'm peeking in her filled-to-the-brim makeup bag) and how she wants to look as natural as possible. As I'm applying her eyeliner, one eye at a time which is a commonly accepted method, she interrupts me to tell me that her eyes look lopsided (b/c I wasn't finished). I assure her that the other eye will look it's twin and she will look amazing. So after applying her eyeliner she tells me it's too dark, and I'm desperately trying to see what she sees, so I ask her (again) what it is that she wants, to which she replies, "Whatever you want..."

To which I reply, "It's whatever you want dear..."

To which she replies, "I know *coy smile*."

So my question to her is why is she being so passive-aggressive to me? What the H did I do?! Oh. That's right. I'm the enemy b/c I'm doing a fucking awesome job at making her red, wrinkled face look like Aphrodite's!!!

At this point my inner monologue is visciously trying to become my outer monologue, and I'm finding it ever so difficult to not ask her why she is wearing makeup in the first place. I digress....

After all is said and done, her mother is the gracious one, handing out generous gratuities, showing us some sincere gratitude. That's some love right there.

I am the best at what I do, make no mistake. I love what I do and that's what matters. That bride will look back (hopefully) and see what a wretched, passive-aggressive control-freak she was to the people who helped her play the part of pretty princess.

The lesson here is that everyone is going through something, and as my fucked up day was testament to that, how important it is to just let things go. Time to go swing the rest of my grumps away in my hammock by the campfire.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone, Blessed be.